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Someone else's porn

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There was something of a 'slow Friday' discussion at work today. My colleague, Sukhjeet the contractor, said he once found a black binbag full of mucky mags when clearing out a student house. It triggered some debate on whether or not he should have kept hold of the contents for his own entertainment.

Of course, he claims to have binned it. Personally I'd have stashed it under that loose floorboard the wife doesn't know about. I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to throw the question open, but is it morally right to transfer ownership of a porn cache? After all, you kinda know what it's been used for although it's hard to have a big bag full o' filth at your fingertips and not want to rifle through it yourself.

It's quite the moral conundrum as I'm sure you'll agree. There's certainly a higher question of ethics in there. We ended up asking ourselves what Jesus would do if faced with the same situation and we figured after a hard day of dishing out cod in breadcrumbs to the masses, he'd likely want to unwind by at least reading the articles and possibly flicking through the Readers Wives section on the remote off-chance Judas’ MILF mum is in there.

An alternative to pulping it or filing it would be to put such a sizable prize towards educational use in the same way as the perverts of old who used to screw up pages from Playboy and Fiesta and shove 'em in the hedgerow surrounding my old school. I'm not sure who ever did that or why, but Johnny Powers and I can't be alone in playing truant instead of sitting through German, putting the time to better use by scouring the green borders of our school grounds for snippets of smut. The fact that it usually wasn’t too long before we hit the jackpot is probably a sad indictment of comprehensive schooling in the 1980’s Midlands industrial belt.

Maybe it was our P.E. teacher who was the porny-bush culprit? After all, in one of our first lessons he made the whole class drop their kex in the changing room and hang their bollocks out. After pausing, he told those who had undercrackers to pull them back up while those who were going commando under their shorts were left dangling. There was an important message y’see, he wanted to (literally) expose the unhygienic boys who were sweating through P.E. without a spare pair of underpants.

Well, that was the official line. I suspect that in reality he was regretting having shoved all the good pages from his rag-mag into the bushes and wanted something to deposit into his wank-bank as a replacement. 25 boys standing before him, naked from the waist down probably gave the dirty prick something to think about for a week.

I’ll bet he had a good hard think about it.